Dinosaurs and Hydra and Yetis - Oh My
by BettyBackInTheDay
Summary: The Avengers split up to investigate two possible Hydra bases. Clint and Nat are on separate teams. And there are dinosaurs and Yeti sightings. This can't possibly end well. Or does it? There is no substance here, only team banter, a slow burn, and maybe an Easter egg or two if you stay for the post credit scenes. Non AoU compliant.


A/N: This prompt fill for be_compromised's AU Exchange was started three separate times. What made this one stick is still a mystery to me. The time crunch probably had something to do with it. There is no depth, no beautiful language, no imaginative scenery. In fact, it's barely an AU. About the only thing that makes it AU is that it is utterly, totally non-AoU compliant. My deepest apologies to my dear Alphaflyer for my inability to think outside of the box. I hope you, as well the other readers, find humor and at least a little bit of entertainment from my interpretation of your prompts. **PLEASE NOTE: there are some references to the existence of PTSD, nothing specific; also canon-level Barton family dysfunction** Prompts used were: Dinosaurs. Why did it have to be dinosaurs? AND Yes, Natasha, there is a Yeti.

Dinosaurs and Hydra and Yetis, Oh My!

"Even with sketchy intel, I know we have to follow every Hydra lead. And yet, I don't know what it is, Barton, but I've got a bad feeling about this one," said Natasha out of nowhere as she divvied up the 'his and hers' ammunition. "Something seems off."

He stopped assembling his sniper rifle and turned to look at her. "Well, that's weird, Tash, 'cause I was just thinking the same thing," he admitted. "I didn't want to say it, though. Figured you'd have a field day screwing with me if I came clean about it."

She stepped away from the ammo stash and walked over to him. "Are you having odd dream—" She stopped herself, rolled her eyes, and continued in a condescending tone, "I mean are your dreams more bizarre than usual?"

Clint chuckled and shook his head. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he said and hoped to leave it at that.

Natasha suddenly seemed a million miles away. Her mind's eye showed her a familiar, but unwelcome scene. She lowered herself to the ground and sat with her feet off to her left side. Clint sat back on his haunches so he could be at eye level with her. And also so he could hear her better since her voice had dropped to nearly a whisper. "Back in the Red Room, they would take us out to different Siberian districts throughout the year," she began. "You've never experienced cold until you've hiked through forests of Siberian Spruce in the dead of night. Many of the girls collapsed out there. At first we would pick them up or try to drag them, but they slowed us down, kept us from meeting our goals. And **that** meant no dinner and having to sleep outside," she said sadly as an involuntary shiver shook her body.

"I asked once if they had retrieved the bodies," she looked up into Clint's eyes, as if she needed to be sure he wouldn't let her slip back to that place in time. "I was told that there were no bodies to retrieve. That the Yeti had made off with the girls. That **that** was why it was so important to navigate correctly, get out of the area quickly, and not fall behind. The weak were taken by the Yeti and suffered a violent end," she said.

"Jesus, Nat," remarked Clint. "I didn't expect a ghost story."

She smirked at him at shrugged. "Ever since Cap told me we had a lead on a Hydra base outside of Leninsk-Kuznetsky, I've been reliving those hikes in my dreams. I've seen the girls fall, I've felt the panic of needing to find a way out of the woods," she rambled. "Look, it's ridiculous. I want to say there's no such thing as Big Foot, Sasquatch, Yeti…" she said, frustrated, as she shook her hands in the air, "…or whatever. But, we've fought aliens and dealt with magic mind control. I guess nothing's off the table…" she trailed off.

After a few moments of silence, Clint let out a loud and exasperated sigh. "Dinosaurs," was all he said.

"What about them?" she asked.

"While you're dreaming about abominable snowmen, I'm being terrorized by T. Rexes and Velociraptors. Ya know, like Jurassic Park gone bad. Well, gone even worse," he muttered. "I've had an irrational fear of dinosaurs since my old man used to tell me that they ran free in the fields after dark. What asshole tells his toddler sons that dinosaurs are gonna get em if they get up in the middle the night?" he wondered out loud. "But it was effective, I'll give the bastard that. Kept us in our room so he didn't have to worry about witnesses when he felt like using Mom for a punching bag."

Natasha offered her hand to Clint. He took it while they stared at the floor, wading in sadness for the lost childhood of the other.

As if reading her mind, Clint said, "Do you want me to go with Cap and Thor to Russia and face the Yeti for you?"

She raised her eyebrows and looked up at his face to see a genuine smile beaming back at her. She assessed his offer. "Only if I get to join Tony and Bruce in the rain forest of Malaysia to punch a T. Rex for **you**."

"We've got to make up a legit story for why we're flipping teams, of course…" Clint offered.

She pondered that for a moment. "Or we could just tell them this is how it's gonna go. You know I prefer to be direct."

He smiled as he held her hand tightly and helped her stand up to continue packing their weapons.

"Ya know Barton," Natasha sighed, "I wish it were that easy to share all my fears with you."

"It can be that easy," he stated without looking at her.

She looked down and shook her head. "No," she whispered sadly, "it can't."

xxx

"Sweet Jesus. It is cold as h—" started Clint.

Natasha abruptly cut him off over the communication unit. "Don't you even say it, Barton."

"Ha! Fooled you, Nat. I was going to say it's cold as Hoth. Not hell, which is hot. See, Hoth is the ice planet…" Clint began to explain.

Natasha cut him off again. "Oh. My. God. I get your Star Wars references. Why would you think I wouldn't get that? You made me watch all those movies with you," exclaimed Natasha.

In a haughty tone Clint replied, "I was actually going to explain it for Cap's benefit. Not everything I do revolves around you, ya know."

That was met a number of chuckles, snorts, and guffaws from various team members over the comms.

"Knock off the chatter you two," instructed Steve Rogers. "The last thing we need is Hydra picking up our comms. But while I have the floor, let me say that I understood the Star Wars reference. And everything you do, Barton, **does** revolve around Romanoff." And just for effect he added, "Remind me to never split you two up for separate missions ever again."

Everyone acknowledged that statement with grunts and nodding heads.

The comms went silent. Steve could not for the life of him figure out why these two couldn't see what was so obvious to the rest of the team. On the one hand he wanted to knock some sense into each of them. If he knew nothing else, he knew what it was like to mourn a missed opportunity to share happiness with someone. And in the avenging business not even the next day was guaranteed. On the other hand, he appreciated their working relationship – nobody could argue with their results. If dancing around personal feelings kept the Agency Formerly Known as SHIELD's best agents at the top of their game, who was he to argue?

Then again, it could just be that they were stubborn. And he didn't need to get mired in that.

After a few minutes of quiet comms and sparse commands, each team split apart to cover more ground in search of the rumored Hydra bases.

"Hey, Cap," said Clint, "I might have something. There's something moving in the trees just ahead of my location." He started running to catch up with the movement he'd seen. He couldn't risk a scout getting back to base.

A blur to his right made him divert his attention and suddenly he saw the sky as he lay flat on his back. A grunt escaped him as he hit the ground and carried over the comm.

A calm but insistent voice immediately followed. "Clint, was that you? Anybody have eyes on Clint?" Natasha's tension could be felt even from 4,000 miles away.

"We're moving in on his last known location now. Thor, you'll be there before me. Report exactly what you see, but be ready for an ambush," said Steve, breathing like he was out on a Sunday stroll though running at breakneck speed toward Clint.

"NO!" It was a shocking scream echoing not only through the comm, but Tony and Bruce could hear it bouncing off the damp canopy of leaves around them. There were a few seconds of faint panting and grunting from Natasha and then nothing.

"Hey, Romanoff, I need you focused over here, ok?" Tony chimed in. When he didn't get a response, not even an expletive, he tried again. "Hey, Red! You with us?"

Still no response from Natasha, Tony shot up above the tree line to get to her. "Uh, Banner…"

"I know. Code Green in proggggrrrrrsssss…" Bruce's response turned into an unintelligible growl indicating the other guy was on his way.

"Captain, I do not see Hawkeye, but there is a path in the snow going into the trees. It's as if something were dragged," stated Thor.

A frantic Tony continued calling out to Natasha. He couldn't even pick up a heat signature from her. "C'mon Natasha. Don't fuck with me here. What's going on?"

"I see it Thor," called Steve as sped past the Norse deity and into the woods. Thor followed closely behind.

The sound of snapping twigs was a constant background noise in everyone's ears. It only barely registered that the twigs were most likely tall trees being tossed aside like kindling.

After a few seconds of silence, Tony couldn't stand it any longer. "Somebody check in and give me a goddamned report!" he shouted as he continued to search for Natasha.

"Sir," came the calming voice of JARVIS. "I've tapped into the surveillance satellites monitoring the areas. There was an energy burst in your area that threw the signals off line about 10 seconds before Agent Romanoff screamed. There was also an entity tracked at a high rate of speed in the Leninsk-Kuznetsky region just a few minutes ago. It has disappeared from all systems now," the AI concluded.

Through clenched teeth, Steve asked, "Define entity, please, JARVIS. You mean, like an animal, right?"

"Indeterminable, Captain," was the emotionless reply.

"A fast-moving, indeterminable entity in the harsh wilderness of Siberia sounds like," began Steve.

"Oh, don't you even say it," came Tony's quick reply in the hopes of curtailing the inevitable conclusion.

"… a Yeti."

"Oh my God. There's no such thing as a Yeti. I can have a more coherent conversation with the Hulk. Anything on Romanoff, my big green buddy?"

More felled trees and muffled growls was the only response.

"Hey – " yelled Tony.

"Verily –" called Thor.

"I found her!"

"I have found him!"

Tony landed next to the hunched over form of the Black Widow. Her comm unit lay on the moss-covered ground in a thousand tiny pieces. Her hands were a bloody mess, her suit was snagged and ripped, and she was covered in moss and mud. "Cancel the Code Green, big guy. C'mon back."

As Tony assessed Natasha's situation, Steve and Thor were straddling Clint's bow and quiver as they stared up at his body hanging from a large tree limb 25 feet above the frozen ground. He was unconscious and hanging by his feet. It reminded Steve of Luke Skywalker in the snow cave in _The Empire Strikes Back_. He hoped that someday Clint would be able to appreciate that.

"Cap, I have Romanoff. Looks like she had a fight with something pretty big," explained Tony. "And I swear to God if you suggest Sasquatch I will kill you. Going to do a field assessment now. How's Barton?"

"We've located him. He's, ah, well, he's hanging upside down in a tree. Thor's getting him down now," answered Steve.

"The Hawk is in a tree?" came Tony's incredulous reply.

"Aye," responded Thor as he cut the ropes that held Clint's feet to the branch. Using Mjolnir to slow his descent, Thor placed Clint gently on the ground at Steve's feet.

"Captain, is this the device that allows Hawkeye to hear?" asked Thor as he held Clint's hearing aid in his large palm.

"It is, Thor. Better hold on to that until we can wake him up," said Steve.

"No sign of anything," came Bruce's voice. "But look at this brush over here. There's blood on this gangly tree and the surrounding plant life – ouch! – make that **thorny** plant life, is shredded." Bruce looked over at Natasha who began to moan a combination of L's, N's and T's as she seemed to claw her way back to consciousness. Then he looked back at the mess of brush. "I think she got into a fight with a – with a tree," he said as if he didn't believe what he said.

"Our two biggest bad asses got their respective asses handed to them and we have no clues as to how," stated Tony. "We better figure out what the hell to tell them when they wake up or we might be the next ones getting our asses kicked."

A weak voice tried to speak. "Nnnntsssssa?"

"Tony?" asked Steve expectantly.

"Hey, Red," said Tony as he put his fingertips under her chin and gently lifted her head to meet her eyes. "Look at me. Hawk Guy's asking about you and he won't shut up until he knows you're ok. Are you ok?"

"Uhhhhhh… anybody get the number of that raptor?" she murmured.

"You were attacked by a bird?" asked Bruce incredulously.

Slurring her barely audible words she replied, "Dinosaur. Ugh. Why did it have to be a dinosaur?"

Tony and Bruce exchanged confused glances over the top of her head that now rested against Tony's Iron Man armor.

"Well, Cap, I think it's fair to say she has a concussion, but she's awake," stated Bruce.

Thor handed Clint his hearing aid. This earned him a grateful nod of thanks as Clint placed it in his ear and looked at Steve when he was sure it was working. "Nat?" was all he said.

"Hey, Clint. Nat's pretty banged up, but she's ok. How about you? What can you tell us?" asked Steve.

Clint gently cradled his head in his hands. "I don't know where it came from. It was all just a white blur. It was everywhere and nowhere. I turned left; I got hit from the right. I turned right, it was taking out my knees." Breathing heavily, he continued. "Before I could cover up, it was hitting me. Everywhere, all at once, it seemed. I couldn't keep up with it. I couldn't see it. But, man, did it kick my ass," he sighed. "But Nat's ok?" he asked.

"Good enough," replied Steve. "Let's get you back to the quinjet and get you some real medical attention.

"Tony, Cap," said Bruce. "I'm going to call Dr. Cho. Hers is the closest trusted facility. Let's get Clint and Nat there as quickly as possible."

"Good call, Bruce. We'll see you there," agreed Steve.

"Hey," called Clint. "Can Tony get a message to Nat?"

"Sure, Hawk Guy. Shoot," replied Tony.

Steve nodded at Clint.

"Just tell her 'Yes, Natasha, there is a Yeti,'" he said with conviction.

Tony frowned. "Hey, Romanoff. Got a message for you from your boyfriend." She looked up at him with a look that would've translated to irritated had she not been so off her game. "He said he loves you and can't wait to see you to make sure you're ok."

She looked momentarily surprised and then a small smile crossed her face.

"Tell Bird Boy that earned him a smile," said Tony as Bruce all but broke his neck from the way he turned it so quickly in Tony's direction.

In a whisper Thor asked, "Do you have a death wish, Stark?" while Steve hung his head in resignation.

"Look, folks, that's what he meant," Tony said under his breath and then in a booming voice, "C'mon Romanoff. Let's get you to your doctor's appointment in South Korea." He and Bruce prepped Natasha for a flight with Iron Man back to the quinjet.

"What did she say?" innocently asked Clint.

Steve hesitated before answering with "Ah, Tony said she smiled."

Clint looked surprised. "Smiled?" He shrugged and said, "I guess she does have a concussion."

Thor and Steve helped Clint gather his weapons and began the trek back to their quinjet.

XXX

Arriving more than an hour ahead of Clint, Natasha had a chance to get cleaned up and was undergoing a thorough exam by Dr. Cho herself when the other quinjet arrived at the facility. Satisfied that Nat only suffered from a very mild concussion and mild to moderate abrasions and bruises, Dr. Cho left her with trusted staff and went to administer to Clint.

"Helen," called Bruce from a waiting area. "How's Natasha?"

Dr. Cho smiled warmly. "She'll be sore for a while and we'll want to monitor her concussion, but after a good night's sleep, she'll be fine. She landed some good punches. I'd hate to see the other guy."

Bruce looked troubled. "That's the thing. There was nobody else there. She insisted that she was fighting off a…" he hesitated for moment, but felt as if he could trust the brilliant scientist in front of him. "Well, a dinosaur. She insists that's what she saw. There were no footprints, no sign of anything else in the area except her."

Dr. Cho looked concerned. "Are we dealing with some sort of PTSD incident?"

"I wondered about that, but I don't think so –" Bruce admitted and was interrupted by the arrival of a disheveled Clint Barton between Thor and Steve.

"Hello, Dr. Cho," said Steve. "Here's your next patient. If he gives you any trouble just let me know."

While she acknowledged Steve, she was obviously focused on the blond Asgardian. "Hello, Thor. Welcome to Seoul," she said and extended her hand. He smiled and shook it.

"Thank you, Dr. Cho. You have a lovely facility. Many thanks to you for taking in our friends," bellowed Thor while offering a slight bow to her.

"Well, it's my pleasure to help the Avengers in any way I can," she said turning her attention to Clint and hoping her blush was not visible.

With Clint, she was all business. "So, Agent Barton, what happened to you?"

As they sat him a plush exam room, he answered, "I wish I knew, Doc. Hoping you can tell me." He offered her a lopsided smile and continued, "Have you seen Agent Romanoff yet?"

"I have. She's resting comfortably," she replied.

"That's good," he said and noticeably relaxed. "When can I see her?"

"Oh, Agent Barton, I think you need some atten–" she began, but was quickly interrupted.

"You can see me as soon as you turn around," came the unmistakable sultry timbre of Natasha Romanoff.

Clint turned around so fast he kicked Dr. Cho in the thigh and sent her stumbling back into Steve, which sent him stumbling back into Thor, like dominos. Thor never budged and caught them both easily, earning another blush from the doctor.

"Sorry," mumbled Clint without taking his eyes off of Nat. He looked her up and down, taking note of every new blemish marring her skin. He knitted his eyebrows at the sight of her wrapped hands. He met her eyes with a million questions.

She smiled as if to say 'not yet, not here, but I'll explain.' Satisfied with her response, he said out loud, "I'd hate to see the other guy." Which earned a concerned look from Dr. Cho.

"Ok, everybody out," she said as she took full control of the situation. "That includes you, Agent Romanoff."

Thor and Steve fell over themselves getting out of the room before Natasha had a chance to unleash the Black Widow. Their fear was unfounded. A simple, "I'd really like Natasha to stay," from Clint was all it took for Natasha to close the door and take a seat in the room. That was clearly the end of any discussion.

After a thorough exam to confirm that there was no internal bleeding or broken bones, Clint was instructed to get a shower in the attached bathroom. Natasha promised to go back to her room and rest. Clint could see her when he was done freshening up.

Once Natasha and Clint were under the care of Dr. Cho's staff, Bruce, Tony, Steve, and Thor were given a large guest suite. They settled in and began discussing the events. They found the situation disturbing.

Steve complained, "No evidence of Hydra, no evidence of anything or anyone. How do you fight what you can't see?" he asked and involuntarily turned to Thor.

"This is not the work of Loki, if that is what you are implying. My brother is dead," he added.

"Then what the hell made Romanoff kick the fuck out of a tree?" asked Tony. "I have no problem admitting that she has her shit together better than anybody else I know. And that includes the star-spangled man with a plan over there," he said as he motioned toward Steve.

Steve responded, "Look PTSD can manifest in a million different ways. We've all fought our battles, on the battlefield and elsewhere, and deal with it in our ways. We all suffer. But what happened to Romanoff and Barton out there was not a result of PTSD. They were attacked. I just don't know by what."

"Has anybody contacted Maria about this?" asked Bruce. "I mean, first of all, I think she'd like to know about the injuries her former colleagues sustained. And maybe she knows something from her old SHIELD days that might help out here. It's worth a shot."

"Good call, Mean Machine," acknowledged Tony as he pulled out his Stark Phone and began dialing Hill's number.

XXX

Back in the medical bay, Natasha heard a quiet knock on her door. "I'm awake. Come in, Clint."

"I would ask how you knew it was me, but I don't really care at this point," he said as he closed the door behind him.

She sat up and dangled her legs off the bed while she attempted to straighten the oversized gray t-shirt she wore.

As he looked down at his own white t-shirt with a purple target in the center, he said, "I thought I packed a gray shirt. Were you digging in my bag while I was in the shower?"

"Obviously."

Clint let out a harrumph and sat next to her on the bed. "What the hell happened out there, Tash?"

"Exactly what we said was going to happen. You got attacked by my Yeti and I punched your dinosaur," she said as she held up her bandaged hands as further proof. "Actually, they say I kicked the shit out of a brush pile. Embarrassing." She shook her head while looking down at the floor.

"Well, at least you weren't hanging upside down from a tree like a side of beef in a meat locker. See, things can always be worse," he said trying to lighten the mood.

Suddenly she turned to look him right in the eyes. He was defenseless when she held his gaze like this. It thrilled him and scared him at the same time.

"I know what I saw. I saw a dinosaur. It chased me. I fought it off when it attacked me. I've been mind fucked. You've been mind fucked. You know what it feels like." She shook her head violently. "This didn't feel like that. Nobody else was in there with me. But, this vision was there. Whoever or whatever is doing this is dangerous. We need to make sure it never happens again," she implored him. In the process, she had taken his hands into her bandaged ones and squeezed.

"I didn't have a vision. I was attacked. By something or someone. At the exact same time as you. There's definitely something going on. We'll figure it out. We'll call in some favors, some connections. You and me, and, well, those tools out there," he said pointing to the door, "we're a team. We'll make sure nobody else goes through this."

A comfortable silence settled in the room. She rested her head on his shoulder. She asked quietly, but loud enough for him to hear, "Did you mean what you said out in the field earlier?"

He wasn't sure if he heard the question correctly. "Earlier today? You mean when I told Stark to tell you that I thought it was a Yeti that attacked me?"

She suddenly stiffened and sat up straight. "What?"

Clint had the sinking feeling that either he or Tony was in trouble. He had to proceed carefully. "Um, I told Tony to tell you 'yes, Natasha, there is a Yeti' as kind of, ya know, an inside joke, let you know I was really ok." She continued to stare straight ahead and grit her teeth. "That's not what he said, was it?" he assumed.

"No. No it was not."

"So…"

"Don't ask," she snapped.

He wondered what Stark could have possibly said that got her this pissed off. She really shouldn't be upset. She needed to rest.

"Ok, look. You are obviously upset and you don't need that right now. I'm going to go kick Stark's ass while you get some rest," he said as he got up to leave.

"I don't need you to fight my battles for me," she growled.

"I'm perfectly aware of that. Consider this my gift to you for punching my nightmare dinosaur," he reasoned.

That earned him a smile. "Hmmmm, that almost seems fair," she allowed.

He bent down to kiss the top of her head.

She closed her eyes and was relishing the few seconds of closeness and physical touch when something inside her snapped, a wall cracked. Without hesitation or thought she blurted out, "Stark told me that you said you loved me."

Neither one moved or even breathed. His face was hovering above her head while his hands rested on her shoulders. She squeezed her eyes so tightly shut that her cheeks began to hurt. When she felt him finally move away she slowly opened her eyes and found him looking at her. No, not at her, more like through her; through her eyes and right into her heart. For a brief moment she thought she should be concerned that she felt no fear or regret at allowing him to know how that statement affected her. But she didn't care that she didn't care.

Keeping a small distance between them, he took a breath and said, "Well, he's not wrong."

She lifted a wrapped hand and placed it behind his neck as she brought her forehead to rest against his. "How long?" she whispered.

"Since I put the arrow back in the quiver," he admitted. He hesitated and then asked, "You?"

"Since I had an arrow pointed at my heart," she confessed.

She watched him close his eyes and suddenly she felt the need to tell him everything. "I didn't come to SHIELD to be a better person. That was just a happy coincidence," she said quietly. "I left with you because, even with a Vibranium broadhead tip pointed at my chest, I saw something in you that stirred my will to live. Nobody had ever done that to me before. It was no longer a game of life or death. This was my chance to have love in my life. Not that I ever thought I deserved it or that I ever knew how to tell you…" She took a deep breath. "And then you go and say it first. Kinda." Then she started to giggle. "God damn it, Stark…"

And then they both felt the weight of the mission, the confusion over what happened to each other out in the field, and the overwhelming emotion of their confessions. They held each other tightly as they laughed. It felt good to relieve the stress that had been pent up for years.

As they sat back and wiped their tears of laughter from their eyes, Clint reached forward to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear. That simple gesture crumbled the last of her walls. She threw her bandaged hands over his shoulders and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. Salt from tears mixed with years of anticipation and fueled a kiss that lasted only a few seconds, but filled the void created by a lifetime of hurt, doubt, anger, and death. They had finally truly found each other.

No words were spoken when they pulled apart. Natasha's beaming smile was all Clint needed to reassure him that this was not another hallucination. That was the genuine article right there. There was no spell anywhere that could recreate something so beautiful. He carefully put his arm around her middle as he positioned himself behind her on the bed. She tossed the blanket over both of them and settled back into his chest. He placed a chaste kiss to her temple and whispered, "I'd like to officially say it with my own voice now," he teased.

She smiled and replied, "I'd appreciate hearing it from you instead of Stark. Who, just for the record, I will still read the riot act to, strictly on principle."

He squeezed her tighter. "I would expect nothing less. I love you, Natasha Romanoff."

He could feel her grinning and it made his heart soar. She deserved to be happy. And even though he wasn't convinced that he deserved the same, it was a moot point. As long as he could make her smile, he would be happy, too.

"Clint Barton, I love you more than you will ever know," she sighed and began to drift off to sleep. He followed her into slumber.

XXX

Dr. Cho was informed by a member of her staff that Agent Barton was found sound asleep in Agent Romanoff's room. She thanked them for letting her know and called up to the Avenger's suite. "I get the feeling that's a regular occurrence, am I right?" she asked.

Tony's reply was almost giddy. "I don't know common it was in the past, but I think I've paved the way for it to be a thing in the future. Thanks, Helen. I wish we could get to the bottom of what really happened to them out there, and trust me; we are going to do **everything** we can to get answers. But this, oh this, is a great consolation prize."

He immediately hung up and began dialing another number.

"Now who are you going to bother, Tony?" asked Bruce.

"Pepper," was his one-word answer. The others just rolled their eyes. "Hey, Pep – No, no, I'm fine. But do I have BlackHawk news!"

"Geez," sighed Bruce. "Can you even believe this guy?" he asked as he turned to address Thor. Instead of sitting on the couch as he had been a minute ago, the demigod was walking to the other side of the room dialing his own phone.

"My darling Jane, I call with wondrous news!" Thor said as a greeting.

Bruce looked at Steve who gave an innocent shrug of his shoulders as he slowly dialed his own phone, number by individual number. Clearly he had not mastered the speed dial function. He took a breath to begin a conversation, but the person on the other end had obviously kicked it off. Steve rolled his eyes and then replied, "Well, I'll tell you what I'm doing calling you on this mother-fuckin' number. I have some good mother-fuckin' news about some very important mother-fuckin' people." Steve smiled sheepishly at Bruce's shocked expression. "Are you ready to listen now?"

Bruce had to get up and walk away. He wasn't sure if he was going to burst into laughter or the other guy. He definitely needed to get his heart rate down.

XXX

"Mid-Credit Scene"

Five Days Later

Clint and Natasha were encouraged (some might say forced) to take a ten-day leave of absence from active duty with the Avengers. This did not sit well with either of them until Pepper threatened to send the entire team on a press junket to generate positive PR. They couldn't get on the private jet fast enough. They filed their itinerary as Stark executives heading to a high-level conference in Aruba. Clearly, this was not out of the ordinary. No questions were asked and there was to be communication only if things – either at home or on island time – went south. Nobody heard from them until their return flight plan was filed. 14 days later.

With the help of Maria Hill and her classified connections, a possible explanation was starting to take shape. She promised to inform Clint and Natasha before anyone else of what, if anything, came from her investigation. Tony told Maria that she had permission to use Stark company time and resources. They both realized it was just a formality. She was going to do that anyway. And besides, from the moment Maria had been hired, Pepper provided her with a funding stream to be used for "special projects." This definitely fit the bill. She laughed when she thought about Tony thinking he still ran his company.

Maria made the call. "Hey, Boss. Is our dainty little flower ready for her first investigation? Sounds like we've got a hit on a couple of enhanced."

XXX

"Post Credit Scene"

As the quinjet sped away from Leninsk-Kuznetsky, a young man with silver-blond sat in a dark corner of a nightclub. Evening was upon the city and the establishment began to get crowded. He sipped his chilled vodka and sent a text message from his phone: "Rattled Siberian cage as instructed." He sat back with a satisfied grin.

As the quinjet sped away from Malaysia, a young girl bathed in red mist opened her eyes and allowed the mist to dissipate. She pulled out a phone and sent a text message: "Rattled Malaysian cage as instructed." She began her hike out of the forest.


End file.
